Sharing

I want to share a few excerpts from an email my dad sent my brother and I. He sent this 5 days after our return from Arizona.

"What a difference a day makes.  Two nights ago I wanted to call jamie and tell her to come quick because the alien in me was fighting me and he was definitely winning.  Every breath I took was an incredible effort. Breath is supposed to give life but mine were just making me feel weaker, breath, after breath, after breath.  I really did not think I would be here this morning.  And it really pissed me off.

Then yesterday we walked.  It felt good, two miles. I still puffed like an old steam train climbing a long grade but I walked with confidence and I even think close to a normal pace.

So I looked at my vial of morphine, and looked at my vial of morphine and thought, well nothing ventured, nothing gained.  I am so drug adverse.  I was convinced that even touching it would turn me into a scab infested drug addled addict.  Took the minimum dose and felt within an hour much relaxed
breathing.  I felt nothing different.  Pretty cool.

I even walked to the library after I got home from the hike yesterday. Walked three miles total between the two excursions.  It was so nice to see so many people walking, enjoying the blue sky, the mild day and a city filled with white and pink dogwood blossoms.  I now have a good book to read.

So I have put the alien at bay.  I can hear him cowering in some dark corner of my closet.  I do not fear him now. My couple of days of hospice were good because they provided me with some very low dosage, but for me, very effective comfort aids. Now is Sunday pancake time.  And I have an appetite!

Love , dad"